Radical Acceptance for Anxiety: Letting Go Without Giving Up

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” -Serenity Prayer

What is Radical Acceptance:

Radical acceptance involves acknowledging and accepting difficult situations and emotions without judgment. This strategy works by taking how one thinks about a negative situation and changing the emotional experience (Segal et al., 2023). It focuses on the present moment and letting go of the need to control or change what cannot be changed, even when it’s unpleasant or difficult (Wolgast et al., 2011). It is accepting the situation as it is and moving forward with the day, rather than letting it take over. Radical acceptance encourages you to respond mindfully, it’s not about giving up or passively accepting things.

How is it Different from Being Passive:

Submission often involves being passive to others or to situations without thoughts or consideration for your own needs. It may feel like giving up control to someone or something else even if it’s not in your best interest (Brown, 2022). This can look like going along with things you don’t agree with to avoid conflict saying things like “it is what is” (Brown, 2022). Being passive, especially when it involves consistently submitting to others or situations without considering your own needs, can create anxiety in several ways. It’s important to understand the difference between situations where acceptance can bring peace and situations that are tolerating harmful circumstances.

Effects Related to Anxiety:

Anxiety is a general feeling of excessive worry or nervousness often about situations or events that may or may not happen. It’s a natural response to stress, like a racing heart, shakiness and behaviors like avoiding situations. Emotional distress can occur when there is a “difference between how a person feels or expects to feel and how they want to feel” (Dawel et al., 2021). Conflict might feel like emotions or opinions are being suppressed and overtime can cause tension within yourself that may feel like you are disconnected from your own values and goals. The fear of expressing what you really think, or feel can lead to anxiety about saying the wrong thing or upsetting others, even though your thoughts and feelings are valid. The sense of not having control to express yourself can lead to feeling anxiety and emotional distress as the feelings of powerlessness and frustration build up. 

Anxiety and Anxious Attachment:

Anxiety is one way an anxious attachment style can manifest. Anxious attachment is a type of attachment style that may struggle with emotional processing that is linked to hyperactivating strategies that are rooted in deep fears of rejection or abandonment (Jacobsen et al., 2024). Individuals with anxious attachment styles often have a strong need for reassurance and validation with behaviors like clinginess and expressing anger when they feel emotionally unsafe (Jacobsen et al., 2024). Here’s how anxiety and anxious attachment overlap: You might constantly second-guess yourself and your decisions unsure whether you’re making the right choice or just going along with what others want to avoid feeling rejected.

Benefits of Radical Acceptance:

Radical acceptance is a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help with emotional tolerance and situational distress. The skill is defined as experiencing your emotions, physical sensations, and thoughts without attempting to change, control or avoid them (Wolgast et al., 2011). This means accepting a situation exactly as it is without reacting to it with criticism or judgement. By accepting situations and emotions it can help to reduce the distress caused by trying to control or avoid them (Wolgast et al., 2011). You don’t have to like what’s happening, it means you’re choosing not to add distress to the situation. Practicing radical acceptance can be helpful for anxiety and anxious attachment styles, as it encourages acceptance of emotion and patterns to reduce emotions from escalating and prolonged distress. 

How to practice:

Imagine you’re stuck in traffic on the way to an important meeting. At first, you might feel frustrated, angry, or anxious, thinking things like, “I’m going to be late! Why is this happening to me?” These thoughts add to your stress and make the situation worse.

Now, acknowledge the reality of the situation: “I am stuck in traffic. I can’t change that right now. It’s frustrating, but it’s the reality of the moment.” Instead of fighting against the situation, you accept it. You might still feel frustrated, but you recognize that feeling isn’t going to change anything. From there, you can focus on what you can do: listen to a podcast, let people know you’ll be late, or practice deep breathing to calm yourself. 

You can use this worksheet from Positive Psychology to reflect on how to view your thoughts and emotions from a different perspective. If you’re ready to take the next step in exploring radical acceptance, consider working with a therapist here at Counseling Works!

Written by Stacy Turner, MFT Counseling Associate

References:

Brown, M. (2022, March 31). What radical acceptance is – and isn’t. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-it-really-means-to-practice-radical-acceptance 

Chris Fraley, R., Niedenthal, P. M., Marks, M., Brumbaugh, C., & Vicary, A. (2006). Adult attachment and the perception of emotional expressions: Probing the hyperactivating strategies underlying anxious attachment. Journal of Personality, 74(4), 1163-1190. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2006.00406.x

Dawel, A., Shou, Y., Gulliver, A., Cherbuin, N., Banfield, M., Murray, K., Calear, A. L., Morse, A. R., Farrer, L. M., & Smithson, M. (2021). Cause or symptom? A longitudinal test of bidirectional relationships between emotion regulation strategies and mental health symptoms. Emotion (Washington, D.C.), 21(7), 1511-1521. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0001018

Jacobsen, C. F., Falkenström, F., Castonguay, L., Nielsen, J., Lunn, S., Lauritzen, L., & Poulsen, S. (2024). The relationship between attachment needs, earned secure therapeutic attachment and outcome in adult psychotherapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 92(7), 410-421. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000900

Segal, O., Sher, H., Aderka, I. M., & Weinbach, N. (2023). Does acceptance lead to change? training in radical acceptance improves implementation of cognitive reappraisal. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 164, 104303-104303. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2023.104303

Wolgast, M., Lundh, L., & Viborg, G. (2011). Cognitive reappraisal and acceptance: An experimental comparison of two emotion regulation strategies. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 49(12), 858-866. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2011.09.011